2007-01-07

Cleaning out the Closet...

This weekend has been out of the ordinary. It must have something to do with the fact that I want to do what my heart tells me to do.

I started with a trip to the ophthalmologist (I think that's the work in English for the vision doctor). I had been postponing this trip for a long time and I had been getting some headaches and other symptoms that there was something wrong with my eyesight. Well, it turns out that my left eye is twisted a little relatively to its original position. Reason: too many hours in front of a computer screen. Result: I will start using glasses when working. At least the problem can still be corrected.

My Saturday continue with a global closet cleaning. I'm not talking about cleaning the house, I'm total about a global closet cleaning: when of those cleanings in which you take out everything form your closet, choose the close that still fits you or that you still consider wearing and put out everything that you won't wear. It's amazing what you accumulate in several years: a lot of clothes and some of which I haven't dressed once!

Sunday started with church school. I'm Christian and I teach small children at the church. I don't know how to pronounce it in English, when I found out I'll tell it. But things aren't going so great because people are fleeing from the church. Why? Unfortunately one of the may reasons is the Preacher, but that is a story I don't want to get into for now.

But Sunday isn't going all that will also for other reasons. It is fact that I'm a little overweighted. I need to loose some weight. I really do. It would be great not only for my health but also for my ego. This has turned into a battle in which there is my weight and everyone in my family in one side and me on the other side, trying to keep my temper. I need to learn how to control my temper even if everybody has decided to make their top priority to bug me for whatever reason.

I don't know what is wrong with me but recently I burst whenever I'm pushed and for whatever reason. And didn't use to be like this and I need to find that piece of mind once again. Things are getting so critical that I'm even considering the chance of leaving my family and finding myself a new house away from all the pressure that my family is placing on me. Most times I just want to take my car and run away from all the problems, pressures, critiques and comments.

The point is that even if I run away from all this they won't get solved. I need to attack the problems head on and solve them. I have to do this in order to end my Thesis, to get into shape and to live a better life. If in this process there are others that, even if they believe they are helping, are simply just making matters worst, I simply have to put some distance between me and them. I'm not talking about physical distance, but about ignoring their remarks no matter how offending they are and avoid depending on them to make activities that I enjoy.

I believe they we all need some hours every day or every week to do what you like the most, or simply to feel good about doing something. During those hours we shouldn't have to put up with bosses, problems at work, problems at the university, problems at home or remarks from .... well, I won't go there.

The hard part about all this is that as I'm writing this I keep getting this feeling in the back of my head that I'm being selfish. As I grow older I'm starting to believe that although we are in this world to help others and to try to make a different we also have to be a little selfish if we want to accomplish some of our dreams. Unfortunately it seems that I have always put the wellbeing of others above my wellbeing, my life and my health. I won't do this anymore.

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